


Only Echos

by witchilly



Category: Fruits Basket, Fruits Basket (Anime 2019), Fruits Basket - Takaya Natsuki (Manga)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fruits Basket - Freeform, Memory Alteration, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-01-04 09:48:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21195662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchilly/pseuds/witchilly
Summary: It's been ten years since he's seen her face, ten years locked away from the rest of the world. How happy he might be if he just could just forget, but he's not the one who's memory has been erased.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by a post on tumblr that I can no longer find.  
I couldn't get the idea out of my head, and with this hiatus before season 2 I needed to fill my life with Furuba somehow.  
Doing this mostly for selfish cathartic reasons.
> 
> It's been a while since I've written fanfiction, or much of anything really, so I hope this isn't too rusty.

_"Years go, dreams go, and youth goes too,_  
_The world’s heart breaks beneath its wars,_  
_All things are changed, save in the east_  
_The faithful beauty of the stars."_  
** _-Winter Stars, Sara Teasdale_ **

The frigid air slowly crept through the one small barred window in the room, the sun was almost set. From the feel of it, he could tell the winter solstice was around the corner. The main house would fill with sounds of the new year soon after. He might be able to smell the faint aromas of the banquet they made every year. He pushed away the thoughts of anyone thinking of him among all the smiles and laughter. 

His stomach growled at the thought of food he once had the pleasure of enjoying. He looked down at his offerings that were brought once a day by some poor soul employed by the estate, the tray of rice balls grew cold hours ago. He couldn’t stomach them, he couldn’t stomach much of anything these days. 

Like some kind of cruel joke, the soft sound of rain echoes off the roof of the small room he will spend the rest of his life; locked away from the rest of the world to spare every one of the burden that is his existence. With a deep sigh he sinks down onto his cot, the last of his energy washed away with the rain. 

His arm rested across his face to try and take some of the pressure behind his eyes, unable to find sleep despite being nearly too weak to move. He used to be strong, he can remember the days he would train for hours without breaking a sweat. His body was thin and frail now, ten long years spent in four walls no bigger than a prison cell, his muscles long gone, his skin hanging loosely on his aching bones. Not quite at the age of thirty but feeling a century old. 

How much longer would he have to endure this loneliness before his body gave out entirely. 

Just when he thought that exhaustion would take over, he heard the door to the cat room creak, he peaked from below his arm, every movement of his neck a dull pain. The door slid ever so slightly to reveal a pair of curious eyes. It wasn’t extremely uncommon for the children that frequented the estate to get curious and test the tales of the dangerous and hideous beast that was locked away in the forest. 

“Hello?” came a tiny shivering voice. Whoever this kid was had to be freezing, he thought. Despite feeling more like sinking into the ground, Kyo braced himself on his arms and tried to get a better look at his intruder. 

“You better scram kid! Before you freeze to death,” his voice cracked. He realized it had been months since he said any words out loud, his throat was dry and full of sand. 

“Who’s there?” the child was sniffling now, taking a full step inside the room. 

“What are you, an idiot?” why was he like this. “Hasn’t anyone told you about the monster cat?” 

The kids eyes went wide and he took half a step back and tripped over his feet, falling out into the mud with a hard thud. Before Kyo could ask him if he was ok, the kid scrambled to stand and took off back towards the house, leaving the door open. 

_ Shit _

Kyo felt the frigid air surround him instantly and he curled into a ball and grasped onto the rough wool blanket they had left him with. 

_ God damnit little snot nosed brat. _

Soon it was so cold he could hardly breathe, the warm air coming from him visible in front of his face, his breath freezing in his lungs. 

He would freeze to death now, and that was oddly comforting. He would only have to spend one more night in this living hell. He glanced at the beads around his wrist, he could accept death but he would prefer them to not be the last thing he saw. With that thought, he closed his eyes as tightly as he could and willed himself to fall asleep. The last image he saw before he drifted off was of warm eyes and pink hair ribbon. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tohru was waiting under her umbrella for her ride home when she was suddenly overwhelmed by this feeling of dread, like something bad was about to happen. She looked quickly to her left and right, but she was the only one on the street. It was late and she had pulled an extra shift at work to prepare for the holidays. Her friends deserved the best presents. 

She tried to think of the happiness that buying the people she loves gifts brings her, but that bad feeling overtook those thoughts. Someone was in trouble, something bad was happening. She felt water dripping on her and looked up to see if there was a hole in her umbrella. No hole. She touched her face. 

_ I’m crying? But...why? _

Her heart-rate accelerated and she struggled to catch her breath. 

_ What is happening to me? _

She leaned against the pole of a street sign to keep from fainting. There was something she was forgetting, she tried to concentrate. There was something tugging at her mind, she focused, she tried to pull at the fogginess around these feelings; but instead of a vision of a memory there was a deeper feeling of dread. Of panic. 

_ I haven’t had a panic attack in years. Why now? _

The more she tried to focus the harder it became. Just when she felt like she was starting to remember something important a sharp pain ripped through her head and she dropped her umbrella, tightly shutting her eyes. The next second it was gone, and with it most of the panicky feeling faded. She quickly scooped up her umbrella, realizing she was getting soaked. 

_ What just happened _ _ ? _ _ There was.... _ _ a face… _

She still had that feeling of dread, like right before you get a grade for a test you know you failed, but her breathing was back to normal, her pulse had calmed. She couldn’t remember why or what she was panicking about, but she knew that it had happened. She wasn’t imagining things. 

A little yellow car pulled up beside her and she happily rushed over to the door to get out of the rain. 

“Thank you so much for coming to get me I’m so sorry that I made you drive in the rain. It wasn’t supposed to start until tomorrow,” she would have gone on with her apology but her blonde friend in the drivers seat waved a hand in front her face. 

“Tohru it’s ok, I’m happy to help!” She gave her friend a big smile and put the car in drive and sped off. 

“Uo-chan is the best friend ever,” Tohru leaned into the warm air coming from the vents. 

The friends drove in comfortable silence, until Tohru remembered the feeling she had before and her face dropped. 

“What’s wrong? What happened? Am I going too fast again?” Arisa Uosani looked down at the speedometer and winced, Tohru was not as big of a fan of the fast and reckless as she is. 

Tohru waved her hands in front of her. “No, no. Well, yes. But that’s not whats wrong. I had a feeling earlier like something terrible is going to happen and I guess I’m just worried.” Even as she talked about it the feeling faded a little more, she forgot what she had seen, the memory of it joining the fog. 

Arisa looked at her friend with concerned eyes, she hadn’t been the same Tohru since they graduated. Selfless to a fault, yes. Always apologizing when she doesn’t need to be, yes. Hard working, excessively so; but she had not had the same air of happiness that she had their last few years of school. It was as if she had reverted to the Tohru she was after her mom had died, filled with a secret pain she was unwilling to share the burden of. 

“I’m sure everything will be fine, see, I’m slowing down! No terrible things happening today,” Arisa smiled as big as her face would allow her. Tohru smiled back but she did not feel any better, though it was getting harder to remember why, the feeling persisted. 


	2. Chapter 2

“What if I split this yearning open and held it to the light?  
I doubt either of us would survive that kind of truth.  
That breath right there, the seventh shot,  
all this love, all this love, do you see it now?”

**-Natalie Lim**

“I’m going to have to do something about this.” 

“You’ve had a hand in enough of this as it is” 

“He’s going to die. We were so close to fixing everything.” 

“If your plans fail again he will die anyway.” 

“If only....” 

“No more meddling.” 

Kyo strained to open his eyes, they were lined with frost and dirt. _ Those voices, they sound so...familiar. _ He couldn’t see even an inch in front of his face, he didn’t realize the afterlife would be so blurry. He buried his head into the mat below him and slowly rubbed his face along the rough material. _ Wait, I’m still alive! _ He was thankful and disappointed all at once. _ Fuck, I’m alive. _The voices had stopped and he could hear the faint sounds of gravel beneath feet. 

“He-hello?” his voice came out as a rough whisper. His vision was clearing slightly, he could tell the door to the cat room was closed now. _ Who closed it? Why didn’t they just let me _ _ die? _ He might have cried if he w asn’t so exhausted and dehydrated. He rolled over to find his basin of water, hoping it wasn’t frozen. _ H _ _ uh. _ Not only was it not frozen, it looked as if someone had brought fresh water and food while he was out. He coughed a few sips of cold water down his throat and grabbed a near rice ball to force down as well. 

_ Oh god. _ Right there on the back of the rice ball was a tiny plum. It was small, but it was delicious. Someone was having the time of their life finding new ways to torture him. 

The next few days were more of the same, Kyo would wake to find his waste buckets emptied, fresh water in his basin, and fresh food that always included one rice ball with a plum. It was the ‘nicest’ he had been treated since he was forced into this room. _What are they trying to __pull._ One day he woke up to a new item on his wall; he got up closer to investigate. 

_ A calendar? A fucking calendar?! What asshole thinks I can do any good with a god damn calendar?!? _His anger bubbled up like he hadn’t felt in near a decade. He ripped the calendar off the walls and threw it on the ground. He stared down at it, chest heaving with rage. With a yell he punched the place where it was pinned on the wall, immediately regretting his decision as he collapsed onto the floor. He did not have the strength to get back up, so he laid there, looking over at the source of his outburst on the ground next to him. 

He hated that stupid calendar, he hated those stupid plums, he hated all the damn rice balls. He hated all the memories they brought to the surface. Why? Because of her. Because of her smile, the way she could light up everything even when the sun shined it’s brightest. The way she tried, the way she did. The way she’d open his eyes to new possibilities that seemed vaguely impossible without her. Now there were no possibilities, no future, just more torture and misery and loneliness. He hated remembering, but he held on to those memories like his life depended on it. They were all he had left. 

He stared at the cherry blossoms around the edge of the paper and let them wash over him, if only to escape for a moment. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

The wet, desolate streets of the city rested in silence as the starry black sky wept small strings of frost over it. The ground not quite cold enough for it to stick, the water in the potholes shimmered by the glow of the yellow streetlamps. The skinny, green trees on the roadside swayed as a slight breeze hit them. The clouds wrapped themselves around the moon, who’s faint glow passed through them coloring them white from gray. A single car drove by, causing some local dogs to begin barking at the disturbance. When the car had passed the dogs quieted, satisfied that they had scared away whatever threat that would try to linger in the dark. The street now rested quiet again, save for a single woman’s footsteps under a faded pink umbrella. 

The slight drizzle and mist of the evening did well to mask the tears running freely down her face. She had been walking around in circles for hours, not paying attention to what turn she was making or how far she was from her grandfather's house. _ What am I going to do _ _ now? _ Her fingers tighten on the base of her umbrella as her mind replayed the scene from earlier that day. 

“So you understand, yes?” a man in a suit that was obviously too big for his body type looked up at a woman from his seat behind his desk. 

“I-uh,” she understood well enough, but her lips were glued together with shock. 

“We’re very sorry Miss Honda, but we just can’t afford to run the hotel with a full staff any longer,” the man shook his head as tears threatened to fall from her eyes. 

Now she was jobless, spineless, and probably lost. _ Why didn’t I say something? I should have pushed to be kept on at least as needed. I didn’t stand up for myself. Mom would be so disappointed. Now I’ve let Grandfather down too, he’s not well enough to work, and I’m just another burden. _

She rounded another corner and hit something solid and hard, the impact knocking her back onto the damp sidewalk. She looked up to see a young man about her age, with silver hair and grey eyes filled with surprise. 

“Miss Honda! Forgive me, I didn’t-,” the man started to hold out a hand to her but stopped himself, he brought it back to his side. 

“How did you....do you....do I know you?” She slowly lifted herself off the ground, eye brow raised. Once she was back on her feet, she rubbed a hand against her backside. _That’s going to leave a bruise._

“I’m sorry, I’m Sohma Yuki,” he held out his hand towards her with confidence this time and a smile that almost seemed forced. “We went to school together.” 

“Oh, I’m so sorry I should have recognized you of course I remember you were almost student council president please forgive me for my absent mindedness,” Tohru bowed over and over in apology but when she looked back up at him Yuki held a more genuine looking smile, in fact he looked like he was trying not to laugh. 

“Please, don’t apologize, you can’t be expected to remember every person you went to high school with,” his hand was still stretched outward. Tohru quickly took it and shook it lightly. “It’s nice to meet you again, Miss Honda.” 

“It’s nice to meet you again too, Sohma-san.” 

“Please, call me Yuki.” 

“Oh, um, ok...nice to meet you... Yuki,” she was visibly uncomfortable with that level of familiarity but if he was fine with it, she wasn’t going to deny his request. 

Yuki concentrated on her face; she had barely aged a day; it set his nerves on edge. Suddenly he was 16 again, unsure and hesitant to take this any further. Dark circles bordered her eyes, a tiredness hung to them that went deeper than surface exhaustion, they were slightly pink and puffy as if she had been crying recently. He could guess she was feeling strange and lost without knowing why. _ Memory suppression will do that to a person. _He instantly felt guilt, guilt at not seeking her out sooner, for being too weak to stand up to the family. It was too late for him to stop any of this from happening, but maybe there was still time to fix it. 

“Um Soh-I mean Yuki, is something wrong?” he was so preoccupied with his thoughts he didn’t realize he was still standing awkwardly in front of her, not moving a muscle. 

“Ah, no. I’m sorry, I was a little lost in thought,” he gestured for her to walk beside him. “Please, allow me to walk you home.” 

“You don’t have to do that I’ll be ok it’s really not that far to my grandfather's house where I’m staying,” he knew this was a lie, this area was nowhere near the house that he had once gone to retrieve her from, what seems like a lifetime ago. He wasn’t going to abandon her now, just as he did not abandon her then, no matter how badly he had failed her these last ten years. 

“I insist,” he held out an arm for her to take but she simply nodded and took the space beside him on the walking path. _Of course__ she doesn’t trust you, idiot, she doesn’t know you._

“Thank you this is too kind, I’m afraid I’m actually quite a ways from home.” _ I know _, he wanted to say. He wanted to say so many things to her. That guilt he felt was like gasoline in his guts. Over the years his insides died slowly in the toxicity, needing no more than a spark to set it ablaze. The fire burnt him out so badly there was nothing left but a shell, an outline of a person. A look at her face orientated him to the world again, she filled a small piece of the void that had consumed him. They walked in silence for a while before the rock in his throat was small enough for words to pass. 

“Before I ran into you-” 

“Before I ran into _ you,” _she interrupted. 

“Yes, right,” he returned her smile, the air felt weightless around them. He thought of the last time he had felt this light. “Before you ran into me, was there something upsetting you?” 

Tohru looked like she could melt just then. “No, no why would you think that?” 

“You looked as if you had been crying,” her head sank as he spoke. “We have a long way to walk, and it would make me feel better if I knew there was not an upsetting situation waiting for us at our destination.” 

“Oh its nothing like that, I just um, well, you see, I...just lost my job,” if she could disappear just then, she would. She felt pathetic telling this to Yuki Sohma, who had been so charming and successful while they were in school, she bet he was even more so as an adult. He didn’t look shocked though, or disgusted; he only nodded his head in understanding. 

“Does anyone else in your home have employment?” 

“No, my grandfather is old and not well, so I support him,” she wrung her hands around the base of her umbrella, the only thing keeping her from bursting into tears again. “The rest of our family moved away when grandfather became sick.” 

“I see,” that was all he said, and they continued to walk in silence. When they eventually made it to her front door, Tohru didn’t know what she could possibly say to convey how thankful she was to this perfect acquaintance of hers. She had never spoken more than a few sentences in her whole school career to Yuki Sohma and he was kind enough to help her find her way home in the middle of the night, when he surely had better places to be. 

“Thank you so much, if there is anything I can ever do to repay you please let me know,” she bowed deep and gave him her best smile, determined to not let him see how much she was dreading walking into her home and telling her grandfather the horrible news of her failure. 

“Actually, there is something you can do for me.” 

“Anything! Just name it! I swear on my life that I will do whatever it is you need,” she crossed her finger over her heart. 

Yuki smiled warmly, “You can come work for my family, starting tomorrow if you wish. You will be paid up front and then compensated for any expenses or trouble that you encounter while completing your work.” 

“Oh I couldn’t possibly burden you or your family so-,” she nervously fidgeted, fighting her fight or flight response screaming at her to flee. 

“You swore on your life to do what I asked, and this is what I’m asking,” his face took a serious turn. “We are in need of a housekeeper for a... guest house on the property of the family estate. The current resident is difficult to say the least, we need someone with a strong resolve to handle it. Do you have a strong resolve Miss Honda?” 

“Yes! I can handle whatever is thrown at me!” 

“I’m sure you can,” he dug in his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. On it was an address and a few directions underneath. “Please report directly to the guest house, there will be an envelope inside with your first payment when you arrive there tomorrow.” 

“I don’t know what to say, I will not let you down,” Tohru stood up straight and made what she hoped was a face that conveyed how serious she took this task. 

_ I know you won't _ . He smiled and nodded and said a quick goodbye, turning away and forcing himself not to look back. _ I hope you know what you're doing _ _ Shigure _ _ . _

Tohru stood there, stunned. Was it just this morning when she had felt like her whole world was crashing around her? When she felt like there was nothing she could do to stop the incoming disaster that would be her life? Yuki Sohma had swooped in like a knight in shining armor to fix all her problems. Not just that but walking home with him felt oddly comforting. It made her feel like she was going in the right direction for once; in control of where she was headed. Not just floating through life like a petal on the wind, no way of knowing if she would hit safety or danger when she landed. 

_ I think I made a new friend today mom, though he really doesn’t feel like a new friend. He feels like an old friend that has been reconnected. I have so much to be thankful for, I just know things will get better from now on. _

She walked to her door feeling lighter, the feeling of unease creeping back ever so slightly when she walked inside. This house was her grandfathers, and while she appreciated everything he had done to give her some stability after her mom had died, it never felt like home. As she slipped into bed, Tohru realized that she had never once told Yuki where she lived; he had led her home without a single direction. 


	3. Chapter 3

“Do not come any closer.  
People like me are bombs.  
When our time is up, we will splatter loss all over your walls  
in angry colors that make you wish your doorway  
never learned our name.”  
**― Caitlyn Siehl, What We Buried**

The footpath flowed through curls of vibrant green ivy, the incline so gentle that Tohru barely noticed that she was climbing a hill. Her feet fell to the earth softly, each step barely audible beneath the early morning birdsong. As she took in the scenery around her, she thought about how big the estate must be and yet the small footpath was well maintained. 

It was an unusually warm day despite being towards the end of winter, the ground was moist from the melted layer of frost that was stuck to the foliage only hours ago. The sky was clear, and the sun shone brightly to spite anyone who had chosen to leave their house bundled up prepared for chilly weather. As the ground under her leveled out a roof came into view. _ This must be the house. _ She sped up her pace, eager to get started. 

As she got closer, the site she saw took her by surprise. It was relatively modest in size, compared to the large expanse of land it resided in. The house had a thick wooden frame and looked to be a single room sized building, with an upper level that couldn’t have been bigger than an attic. The front door and upper level each had small shoji screens to allow light inside, but the rest of the house was solid plaster. As she came closer, she noticed a big padlock that had been left unlocked, to her relief, as she had not been given a key or instructions on where to find one. _ Better knock first. _ She rapped her hand against the wood and small bits of dust fell around her knuckles. After waiting for an answer for a few moments and hearing none, she pressed her hands against the door to open it. 

The door gave a small screech as it slid open slowly. _ Great, I bet it’s the kid who tried to kill me. _ “Hello?” came a small feminine voice. 

_ No! _

“Is anyone in here?” The place was a lot smaller and dustier than she had anticipated. There was a wall of shelves and some supplies strewn across them and the floor, her eyes strained against the darkness as she tried to make out what was in the back of the room. There was a wall of thick latticed wood, the image reminded her of a cell. It seemed unlikely that someone actually lived in this mess. Unbeknownst to her, something moved in the shadows. 

_ It can’t be her. _Against every instinct inside him screaming at him to shut his eyes tight and wait for this hallucination to pass, Kyo glanced towards the door with hope and dread all at once. 

_ Crap _ _ . _

He couldn't believe his eyes. He didn’t want to anyway. He had seen a vision just like this in his worst nightmares. Usually his brain always woke him up as soon as this scenario played in his mind. He blinked hard a few times, there was no waking up this time, it wasn’t a dream, he was very much awake. 

_ Fuck me. _

He didn’t know who was responsible for this, but he wished a great deal of harm and suffering upon them. The adrenalin flew over his veins like a swarm of bees, but he couldn’t move a single muscle. The absolute horror of what his eyes were seeing completely paralyzed him, and the more he thought about running away, or simply moving a bit, the more he realized he was trapped, which was utterly terrifying. He didn’t remember ever feeling this scared before in his life. Why was he so afraid? Why was fear the most prominent emotion he was feeling? He should be elated, ecstatic, over the moon; but all he felt was overwhelming panic. 

_ No, god no. She can’t see me like this. _

It is fear that brings rage, that hot burning anger that seeks to harm. It is a biological button better left alone. He had white knuckles from clenching his fists too hard. He gritted his teeth to remain silent, but it was no use. 

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?” Came his loud booming voice from the back of the room. The sound reverberated through her ears and made her jump. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry I didn’t-,” she squinted in the dim light to see who had yelled out. 

“GET OUT! GET THE HELL OUT GOD DAMNIT BEFORE I HURT YOU!” He rammed his body into the thick latticed slat wall to emphasize his threat, every word coming out like a snarl, laced with saliva and malice. 

Tohru couldn’t breathe, it felt as if someone was choking her. Her heart was racing and all she wanted to do was run but her feet wouldn’t move, like something was cementing her to that spot. 

“ARE YOU STUPID? RUN DAMN YOU!” A choked sob forced its way up her throat and passed her lips, she felt a drop run down her cheek. She somehow managed to gain control of her body and run out the door and slam it shut. She leaned against the side of the small building, the shock knocking her off her feet. 

_ What just happened? _ Yuki did not mention this part of the job to her. The part where the occupant she was cleaning up after was a homicidal maniac. There was no way she could fulfill her promise to him now. Gathering herself up she started to walk towards the path back into town, back towards her...home. She could hear Yuki Sohma’s voice ringing in her head. “ _ Do you have a strong resolve, Miss Honda?” _

Something tightened in her chest; she looked back at the house and considered her options. There was a feeling in her gut that said, “no,” but another feeling in her heart that said, “yes.” _ When we choose to be brave instead of being controlled by fear everything gets better, right mom? _ She breathed in shallow breaths to relieve the tension; her body moved before her brain had completely caught up, she was going back in there. She was apprehensive, yet unafraid. She felt a jolt knowing she was walking into a storm, but not so much that her steps were hindered. With more determination this time, Tohru opened the door as far as it would go, allowing light to spill into room and illuminate the contents. 

_ What the hell does she think she’s doing? _ Kyo crouched down and put his arms in front of his face to allow his eyes time to adjust in the sudden change in brightness. “IDIOT! WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE?” 

With the sunlight now on her side, she could see where the angry shouts were coming from. _ It’s a man.... _ She took a few steps inside to get a better look. She saw the shaggy lump on the floor that was Kyo, she noticed the shaggy orange hair on his head and something in her softened. _ He doesn’t look that scary. _

“I’m sorry to disturb you, I was hired on by the family of the estate to take care of the upkeep of this house,” he was silent for a few seconds, so she took the opportunity to take a better look around. It wasn’t a complete disaster; someone had obviously been by with water and food and freshen up the waste bucket. Other than that it looked as if no one had done a bit of dusting or organizing in the place for years. The slat wall that cut the room almost in half had a door, but there was a giant padlock like the one out front, this one locked shut. 

“THIS ISNT A HOUSE IT’S A PRISON! LEAVE! OR I’LL BREAK YOUR NECK!” He needed to scare her away, just being in her presence had him unhinged. 

“But you’re...locked inside....” That almost made him laugh, was she always this dim witted? Did she have no sense of self-preservation? He wished he didn’t know the answers to those questions. Feeling defeated, his shoulders slumped, and he sank even further into the floor, willing it to swallow him whole. 

“Just go, I can’t...” he let one arm drop a bit to catch a glance of her. “Please leave.” 

Tohru stood still and took in the sight of this man, this strange man filled with so much anger. He said this house was a prison. Was he a criminal? She thought about leaving again, but she had promised Yuki she could handle the job and handle it she would. 

“I’m terribly sorry for disturbing you, but I made a promise, so I will just clean up as quick as I can and try not to make too much noise,” she set her face determinedly and straightened her arms at her sides like she was a solider with important orders. 

He knew he wasn’t going to win this one, he knew there was no changing her mind. How wonderful and awful it was that she hadn’t changed much at all. Her face held the same youthful innocence save a few age lines. Her eyes were slightly less lively than he remembered, but he blamed that on all the tampering Hatori had to do to make sure there was nothing left of her time with them. Having her come here, throwing in his face just how much he has lost, it was sick. It was a low blow, even by Sohma standards. It wasn’t enough to let him wither away in isolation, now he had to endure a living reminder of the misery he had caused. 

“Whatever,” he laid down on his futon, facing the back wall, trying to pretend this wasn’t happening. He could imagine her face lighting up with that dumb smile she always had plastered on, he wouldn’t admit to himself how much he wanted to roll over and soak it in. 

Kyo was right of course, Tohru was smiling; she took his apathy as a win. She turned around and assessed the space before her. It really was a mess; dust covered every surface. To the left there was a set of narrow stairs which led to a small attic space above, just as she had guessed. It was even more dusty than the bottom floor, and it was filled with boxes and items that looked as if they had been stored there for decades. 

_ I brought a few supplies with me but I’m going to have to make a few trips to bring more. _ There was an old broom leaning against the entrance but not much else that was useful. She tied a scarf around the bottom half of her face, and clasped her hands together, careful not to make a lot of sound. _ Right, let's get started. _ Over the next few hours Tohru emptied all the shelves, dusted everything off, going in and out to keep as much dust from circling around the room as much as she could. When the sun began to make its downward decent, she put everything aside, making a mental note of where she would start tomorrow. She glanced towards the back of the room; the man imprisoned behind the wall had not moved an inch. 

“Well, I’ll be going now,” she put on another smile. “I’m sorry for surprising you earlier, I’ll be by tomorrow to pick up where I left off.” He gave no response. _ I don’t know his story, but I think I can manage. _ She left the few supplies she had brought behind, shut the door, and started the long walk home. _ I hope I can get home in time to cook grandfather dinner. _

She took a deep breath of the fresh forest air and stretched her achy arms above her head, she had spent all day inside that room. Putting a hand to her back, she felt the soreness coming on from being on her feet too long. She was not as young and she used to be, tomorrow she would have to remember to take a break or two.

_ It felt good today mom, doing a hard days work. It might not have been a great start, but I have a feeling I’m going to be just fine. The _ _ Sohma’s _ _ pay so well! The money they left will get us through another month. I should bring them a gift as thanks, don’t you think? It's strange though, walking back, I almost feel sad to leave.... _

The further she got from the cottage, the more she began to feel the chill of the air. She wished she had brought a jacket after all. She was nearing the end of the path when she spotted a familiar face waiting at the entrance. 

“Yuki!” she quickened her pace to reach him. “What are you doing here?” 

“I figured I would check in with you after your first day, and to bring you this,” he handed her a thin jacket. 

“How did you know?” she took the jacket and slipped it over her head, it smelt familiar. 

“Just a hunch,” he gave her a warm smile. “Please allow me to walk you home.” 

“Oh no, I couldn’t ask that,” she waved her arms in front of her, she couldn’t possibly take anymore favors from him. 

“I insist,” smile still plastered to his face, he stepped to the side to allow her to walk beside him. 

“This is very kind of you,” Tohru did not remember ever doing anything to deserve such kindness from Yuki Sohma. She had seen him not once in ten years and her last two days had been filled with him. 

“How was the house? I’m sorry if it was in a terrible state, there are not many who go out there,” he glanced at her from the corner of his eye. 

“I can handle it! Don’t worry about me,” she hoped she sounded confident. 

“And... our guest...” he didn’t know what to say, how to ask the question he really wanted to ask. 

“Oh, I'm afraid I may have scared him quite a bit and um,” she looked down at her hands, fidgeting in front of her. 

“Go on,” there it was, that rock in his throat again. 

Yuki was too nice of a person to put her in any danger, she believed, but Tohru was still left with some questions that would not leave her alone. “He said something about it being a prison... I was wondering.... has he committed a crime?” 

“Not exactly,” Yuki sighed deeply, he knew this whole thing was asking too much. “He was put there by the head of our family, for his own protection.” 

“I see,” _So, he's a Sohma? _Tohru was deeply saddened by this information, more than she would have expected. “The head of your family... that sounds important.” Yuki’s face stiffened, this was too familiar. 

“I understand if you do not wish to go back,” he prepared himself for this to all fall apart. They could end this foolish endeavor for good. Everything would stay the same, numbness overtaking his senses until he grew old and died. 

“No!” It came out louder than she had meant. Yuki stopped in his tracks, shocked. Tohru spun to face him. “What I mean is, please don’t fire me, I will work harder and longer hours if I have to.” Yuki did not expect her to react this way. When he didn’t speak, she continued. “I know you don’t know me very well, but I can handle it, I promise. I really need this job and my grandfather's medical expenses....” She stopped herself, she didn’t need to push all her problems onto Yuki, who she hoped would become a new friend. 

“I understand Miss Honda,” he was looking at her rather affectionately, she thought. “You are not going to be let go, not until you want to be.” 

“That will never happen!” He believed her. 

They walked the rest of the way to Tohrus grandfathers house mostly in comfortable silence, every so often chatting about something they had remembered about their old days in school. A funny story about a teacher, dramatic moments between classmates. Yuki made a conscience effort to avoid any topics that only he would hold memories of, though he longed to talk to her unrestricted. He knew how risky this all was, but he couldn’t help enjoying while he could. Was it possible to keep a secret in the Sohma family? A secret from Akito? He would have to wait and see, for now he was going to let himself take pleasure in walking with Tohru again, and make sure she got home safely. 


	4. Chapter 4

“Ah, sad and strange as in dark summer dawns  
The earliest pipe of half-awakened birds  
To dying ears, when unto dying eyes  
The casement slowly grows a glimmering square;  
So sad, so strange, the days that are no more.”

**-Tears Idle Tears, Alfred Lord Tennyson**

Dark hair hung over dark eyes. “I know what you’re doing.” 

A reply came from a mouth turned up in a smirk, “Do you?” 

“You’ve involved the girl again.” 

“Now where would you get an idea like that?” 

“You must have learned by now Shigure, you can’t hide anything from me.” _ Of course, I know. _ He would let her believe she had the upper hand this time. “I don’t know why you bother with that monster.” An annoyed expression turned into one of amusement. 

“I’ll have to go pay them a visit.” 

_ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ _

Tohru was immediately overwhelmed by the amount of work she still had to do. The work she had done the day before had barely scratched the surface of what needed to be done. Didn’t she just dust these things yesterday? It seemed like they had grown a new layer of filth overnight. 

Today she had brought her cart of cleaning supplies along with her, she was determined to make more progress today. Before she got started she made sure to check on the short tempered occupant she had had the unfortunate encounter with. _ My first day and I’ve already made a bad impression. _

Her voice came out unsure. “Hello, my name is Tohru Honda.” 

She peeked between a space in the slat wall, he was laying with his back turned towards her again, unmoving. 

“I’m very sorry again for frightening you yesterday and not properly introducing myself. I hope my duties here won’t be a bother to you.” 

“I wasn’t scared! I... just don’t want anyone in here ruining my silence with their stupid annoying voice.” He still did not look at her. 

“I’ll try not to talk while I work then,” she smiled even though he wouldn’t see, she hoped that it showed in her voice. She would not be swayed, whether the person in this room was disagreeable or not. She thought she heard a huff come from him, but she couldn’t be sure. She quickly got to work. 

A few hours later she felt the familiar feeling of hunger start to settle in her stomach. _ Time for lunch! _ She went to her cart and enthusiastically pulled out a small cloth wrapped square. She was thankful she remembered to make herself a meal that morning. She opened her container and a lovely aroma filled the air; it made her stomach rumble. A similar sound came from the back of the room, her head snapped over to see an unlikely face partially peering in her direction. 

“Oh! Are you hungry?” his eyes snapped up to meet hers and he quickly turned his head back around. 

“Hell no!” 

“It’s chicken porridge with chives,” she leaned the bowl over towards his back. “I was never a huge fan of this dish when I was little, but when I moved in with my grandpa it was all I wanted to make.” 

“I freaking hate chives, they’re disgusting.” He ignored her personal disclosure, tried to ignore the way it twisted up his insides. He couldn’t start hoping he had anything to do with it, that a ghost of a memory drove her towards the dish. 

“I can bring something else with me tomorrow.” It wasn’t a question; she had already decided that she was going to be nice to this person who should have made her wary. She was never one to shy away from rough edges type of person, but surely, he wouldn’t be locked up if he wasn’t dangerous? Yuki said it was for his own protection though, and not anyone else's. It was too late to change her mind anyway, once she got an idea in her head there was no stopping it. 

Kyo knew this, so he didn’t respond. He wanted to scream and shout at her, force her to stop being polite to him. It was driving him insane. He watched her finish her lunch from beneath his shaggy bangs, he watched her continue to clean and dust and organize. He watched her until she packed up her used dishes and walked out the door, turning to give him a slight wave and a “see you tomorrow”, before shutting the door; taking the only warmth he felt with her. 

He rolled over onto his back with a groan. He hadn’t been able to sleep last night. His dreams were haunted with visions of her; the kindness in her smile, the way he felt when she cried, how her laugh would evaporate every bit of heaviness within his chest, the way she spoke, the way she said his name, her humming as she cooked meals for them; he imagined her humming as she cooked the lunch she brought today, how she was probably going to hum as she cooked tomorrow. _ Stupid stubborn idiot. _

He had selfishly wished she might remember him, that something deep inside her would resonate with recognition. 

_ I’m fucking pathetic. _He rubbed his fists against his eyes in an attempt to erase these visions from his mind, but it was no use. He had meticulously stitched every bit of Tohru he could behind both eyelids because that’s all he thought he was ever going to have of her. Until some asshole thought it would be funny to employ her. 

He had already ruined Tohru’s life once before, he had already caused her so much pain. The curse was never supposed to leave the Sohma family, but now because of him there was a causality. 

_ Tohru. _

If he ever made it out of there, even if he was one hundred years old, he would kill the bastard that brought her back here. He could think of two, and it was a 50/50 chance he’d get it right. _ I’ll kill them both. _

He tried to empty his mind as he closed his eyes, but it was too late. He was doomed to another sleepless night. 

Yuki was waiting for Tohru at the end of the path, just as he did the day before. When she reached him he handed her another envelope with another payment inside. 

“This is too much,” Tohru almost threw it back at him. “Please this is more than I deserve.” 

“Nonsense,” he held up a hand in refusal. “This is what we pay all our staff.” 

She didn’t know what to say, and she was learning quickly that there was no arguing with Yuki Sohma. She wondered if hard headedness was a trait shared by all the Sohma men. 

“Yuki, can I ask you a question?” he nodded, his eyes focused in anticipation. She took a deep breath. 

“The man, in the cottage, what's his name?” She saw his eyes go downcast, almost looking ashamed. She wondered what was causing him such pain that he could barely say a name out loud. 

“His name...” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

The next day she was true to her word and brought along a lunch for him as well. 

“I hope you like it!” she was bursting with excitement as she carefully reached through grated wood, inching the package towards him. 

Kyo looked at her outstretched hand suspiciously, he wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t want to give her any ideas but at the same time, he was so hungry for a home cooked meal. As he reached out for it, Tohru brought her arm further towards him, causing a finger to brush against his. He flinched back like he had touched a hot stove, which would have been less painful. 

“It’s ok, I won’t bite.” She reassured him. 

Her goofy smile awakening something in him that he thought had died years ago. Taking more care to avoid any more physical contact, he reached for the box again. As soon as he untied the knot in the cloth his mouth was watering from the smell. 

It had salmon in it, one of his favorite things. Again, he had to tighten the reigns on his thoughts, careful to not let his mind go somewhere he did not deserve to go. It was a lucky guess, who doesn’t love salmon? Before he could stop himself, he dug into the contents with vigor, leaving little time for tasting or breathing. All at once he was pulled back in time, when things were easier, when he could look forward to meals like this every day. 

“I hope it is to your liking... Kyo,” her voice brought reality back and slapped him across the face with it. The bite going down his throat came to a halt and he choked from the shock of hearing her say his name. 

“Ah! I’m so sorry! Are you ok??” She looked around frantically waving her hands, not knowing what to do while he coughed, red faced, trying to dislodge the fish from his airway. He smacked his chest and took a deep breath. 

“It's... edible, barely!!” he said through another coughing fit and tears running down his face from the struggle. He went more slowly after that but still ate with the fervor of a starving man. 

Tohru only smiled, that smile that meant she could see right through his act of indifference. 

_ I wish it would have just killed me. _

She didn’t move from her spot, the only thing between them was the bars of his cage. She ate her lunch next to him in silence, almost comfortable. Too god damn comfortable for him. 

The next few months were filled with the same routine; she would start cleaning, halfway through the day they would eat lunch together, then she would finish up her work and leave with a smile laced goodbye. 

If Tohru ever felt the urge to peer inside the grate, she would see a calendar hanging on his wall; days marked aligning with the days she came to clean. No one would ever know, but on days she didn’t come Kyo knew he would sink into a pit of self-depreciation and misery. 

Most of her days there was no communication other than the occasional question of the quality of the food from her and a gruff response from him, that got weaker by the day. 

Until one day, Tohru came and didn’t greet him as she normally did. Her cleaning was more half-hearted, and he could have sworn he heard her sniffle a few times too many. 

“Hey! Why you actin weird?” he didn’t shout this time, but it still made her jump. 

“No reason!” She looked nervous. 

_ Lets try this again _. 

He sighed deeply. “Are you upset or something?” 

“No! Why would you think that? I’m perfectly fine!” _ Jeeze _ _ , she’s still a spaz. _

“You’re throwing me off! I don’t know why and it’s pissing me off!” He looked up to see tears threatening to run down her face. “Don’t cry! That’s even worse!” 

“I’m sorry,” she quickly wiped the tears from her eyes. 

“Stop being sorry and just go back to being your annoying self!” Oh no, she was going to start crying again. 

“I’m sorry.” Another sniffle. 

He sighed once more, defeated. “Just tell me what’s going on. Maybe it’ll be better if you get it out.” She nodded quickly and took a seat by the wall next to him. He almost retreated, being that physically close to her was like sitting in front of an open fire. He stayed put and risked the flame. 

“It’s my grandfather. He hasn’t been in good health for a few years now, but I never really thought about when it would be time for him to-,” she stopped to quiet a sob. “His doctor came early this morning and doesn’t think he has a lot of time left. I’ve lost so many...” She drifted off. 

_ Not yet, I’m not ready Mom. _

“Anyway, our family moved away when he got sick and Grandfather gets an allowance every month to help with expenses. I take care of the rest but now they want to put him into a hospice, and I can’t afford the house on my own.” She covered her face, horrified. “It’s not about the money. I’m sorry. I’m burdening you.” 

“Stop being sorry! You’re not a burden, and if you’re worried about money that’s fine too. It’s important.” What else could he say? He didn’t have any right, giving her advice. “You don’t have anyone to help out? Husband? Kids?” 

_ “ _Oh no! I haven’t had time for husband let alone a boyfriend and I don’t even know how I would take care of any kids I can barely take care of the housework as it is!” her face turned beet red as she frantically waved her hands in the air like she did every time something embarrassed her. 

He let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding and mentally kicked himself for how relieved that bit of information made him feel. 

“If you need to ask for help, ask. Ask your family for more money, those assholes left you to take care him all on your own! They can at least make it so you don’t have to stress about keeping food on your table.” He huffed. 

“I’m being selfish, my problems are nothing, I should be grateful,” she wrung her hands in her lap. 

“Screw being grateful! Be selfish! No one should be selfish all the time but it’s ok to be selfish sometimes, especially you. Trust me, I know some selfish bastards.” He heard a small chuckle, when he looked up she still had tears in her eyes but she was smiling slightly too. “If you ever need to talk to someone, it’s not like I’m going anywhere.” 

“Thank you, Kyo. You’ve made me feel much better,” she smiled warmly, and his face caught fire. Too close. He distanced himself a few feet and tried to hide the blush spreading across his cheeks. 

“Whatever. As long as you stop bumming me out with all your moping” His reply only seemed to widen her smile. 

_ I think, I understand him a little better now. _

The work she was doing, her quickly evolving friendship with Yuki, her lunches with Kyo, were giving her a sense of confidence and self-worth that she didn’t remember ever having before. Now the conversations between them came easier, they flowed and ebbed like a steady tide. They talked about nature, about food, about hobbies. 

Tohru discovered that Kyo had once been more than an enthusiast of martial arts and Yuki used to have a secret garden he grew vegetables in, before his familial responsibilities became too time consuming. She spent her free time reading up on each of their interests; she asked them appropriate questions as they spoke, she marveled in how their eyes lit up when she urged them to go on. They had both taken so much of her sadness away, she was going to do the same for them. 

“Yuki?” one evening her curiosity was too great to ignore. 

“Hm?” His eyebrows raised; she had been abnormally quiet during their walk. 

“How long is Kyo meant to be locked in that house?” He knew there would be more questions from her, and he had prepared to spill more details than he ever would have dared to divulge to anyone else. 

This was important, she needed to know more if there was ever a hope of their plans being fulfilled. Despite knowing this, it was still extremely difficult for him to work up the nerve. “Well, forever I suppose.” 

“Why is that?” she wasn’t meeting his eyes now. 

“It’s for his protection.” _ Nice one, genius. _ He cursed the damn cat for putting him in this position. 

“Yes, but... why?” She wanted to understand. He wanted her to understand too, but no matter how hard he tried, he just could not find the nerve to spill all the family secrets that she had already learned once before. He didn’t expand and she didn’t push any further. 

Feeling like a coward, he changed the subject. “So, the equinox is coming up. Do you have any plans?” 

Tohru suppressed the suspicious feeling she got at his avoidance of her question. “Just a quick visit to mom before work.” 

“Surely you’re taking the day off?” She was always easy to overwork. 

“Well I wasn’t going to assume...” he put a hand up to stop her. 

“I must insist.” 

“Then I will!” The air around them lightened up once more as they made the rest of journey home. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to keep this to a few chapters but I quickly realized I needed to add some things to bring it all together, so there will be one more after this.  
What started out as a "quick" cathartic project took on a life of its own. I've also gone back and edited chapter 4 because there was something that I tried to include in this chapter but it didn't fit right.  
Hope you've enjoyed it!

“Coming to you, to be healed by you, will break me.  
For to come to you is forbidden, yet to stay away is pain.  
So here I remain locked in love that brings sorrow,   
for my heart strayed where it should not   
and now my mind must pull it back to within the confines in which it is permitted to roam.”  
**-Unknown**

The air is cool and there is dew on the grass. Moss-laden marble pillars stood as despairing guards on either side of the cemetery threshold. Behind the ancient wrought-iron gates were rows upon rows of crumbling gravestones, their engraved epitaphs bathed in light spilt between gnarled trees that hunched over most of the expanse, plunging the rest in shadow. Some were crumbled with the weathering of centuries; some were smooth marble with new black writing and laid with floral tributes. The place echoed with painful grief and the emptiness of heartfelt loss. For Tohru, it was a place of remembrance, quiet and peaceful. Here she was close to her mother, moments of reflection their everlasting bond. 

She kneeled in front of her mother's grave in silent prayer before unpacking the food she brought with her, too much for one person to possibly consume. 

Tohru spoke to her mom about everything that had happened that year, she told her all about Yuki and Kyo and their secret pain they both carried. How much she wanted to learn more about them and pull that sadness away. 

“I wish you were here; I think you’d really like them.” She talked until the sun started to set, signaling for her to pack up and head back home. 

Back at the cat house, Kyo was feeling the weight of her absence. Where seeds of hope had wormed their way into his brain, now there was only worry; corrupted and malicious. His four walls closed in around him. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

It was barely spring, but the sun shone with a vengeance as she walked up the path. She wiped her arm across her brow as a thin layer of sweat beaded to the surface. Despite the heat, she was in good spirits when she reached the house. 

“Good morning!” she chimed happily as she walked inside, but her happiness quickly faded when she saw Kyo on the floor in a fetal position she hadn’t seen him in for months. 

“Kyo!” she dropped everything in her arms and rushed over. “What happened?” 

He looked over his shoulder at her with hazy eyes, blinking a few times before sitting up. 

“You...” 

“What?” she inched her face closed to the wooden slabs. Kyo’s chest felt lighter, what the hell was he freaking out about anyway? 

“Nothing. Never mind.” he felt the sudden urge to laugh at how big an idiot he was but he held it in. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here yesterday, I went to see my mom for the Equinox,” the mention of Kyoko sent him down a wormhole of regret, he shook his head and focused on the pink shade of her cheeks in the low light. 

“Don’t be an idiot, I didn’t even notice.” A small laugh came from her lips like she could tell he was trying too hard. “So uh, how was it?” 

“It was great! I told mom all about my work and how grandfather is doing and about you and Yuki,” she didn’t know how much that sent him reeling with unease. The thought of her talking to Kyoko about him made him feel ashamed, hearing Yuki’s name made him angry. 

“No one wants to hear about that bastard,” he turned up his nose, which made her laugh again, which turned him into mush. 

“It was a very nice holiday, mom would have liked you both very much,” white hot guilt spread across him. _I’ll never forgive you._

He coughed and desperately searched his mind for a way to steer the conversation away from his greatest failure. Eyes scanning everywhere but Tohru’s face, he notices the packages she dropped when she walked in. 

“Uh, what’s over there?” He points a finger behind her. Tohru looks and her head snaps back to look at him, eyes so wide they sent off his internal alarms. 

“The food!” she yelped and rushed back to gather the strewn belongings. “I’m so sorry I hope it’s not ruined!” 

She brought over both wrapped lunches and tenderly opened them up, holding her breath, and then exhaling when she saw that they were both mostly unharmed. “A little shaken but it should still taste good!” 

Tohru handed his over to him and this time he couldn’t hold back a low chuckle. 

“Dummy, of course it will still taste good,” he dug in as always, and he was right. It was the most delicious thing he’d ever tasted; it always was. He glanced towards her and realized she was staring at him whil he ate. “What? Why are you staring at me like that?” 

“Oh!” she ducked her head so fast he would have been surprised if she didn’t have whiplash. “Nothing! Sorry!” 

“Just spill it already!” For how much her talking drove him crazy, her silence did even more. 

She held her head down like she was ashamed of what she was thinking. Her fists clenched tight in her lap as he waited for her to be ready to talk about whatever it was that was on her mind. 

“Kyo... is it true? That you’re going to be stuck here forever?” she held her hands on her lap, fingers folding in on themselves over and over; she was nervous, worried. 

“Who told you that?” _ It was probably that damn dog. _

_ “ _Yuki told me after I asked about it,” she bent her head even further down. “I’m sorry I know it’s none of my business.” 

_ That god damn rat bastard, I should have known this was all because of him. _

“Just forget about it, it doesn’t matter!” He didn’t mean for it to come out as harsh as it sounded, but when has he ever done a damn thing right. 

Her face turned serious, thoughts wandering. There was a feeling somewhere deep in her bones, a weight that spread from her chest to the tips of her fingers. Everything she learned about the situation left her feeling unsatisfied and depleted. 

There was something they weren’t telling her. 

Kyo was not a bad person, he was far from refined, but he was nice to her when he wanted to be, he was easy to talk to. He let her be emotional when she felt overwhelmed and told her that she didn’t have to be ashamed of it. He had told her it was ok for her to be selfish, and to reach out to others for help. When she looked into his eyes, she could tell that they were kind, and that he was someone she could trust. Seeing him locked up upset her more than she could bare. She set her gaze on her lap, focusing all her concentration on not crying. 

It’s the focused expression on her face, brows furrowed and bottom lip held between her teeth, that does it. Every interaction with her was a chip in the wall he had built stone by stone over the years. That dam was broken now, everything he had held back was flooding into the forefront of his brain. All the feelings he had for Tohru, every single time he wished he would have told her the truth when they were younger. It was all he could do not to break down the wall between them and hold her against him. 

Falling in love with her had always been the easy part, it was admitting it to himself that was the hard part. It left him desperate to fill his own desire that could only be done by trespassing and taking what wasn't his. She could never be his. 

“Tohru” her eyes snapped up to meet his. 

The soft low cadence of his voice wrapped around her grief like a vice, squeezing until she was forced to let it go. He said her name so quiet and soft she might have imagined it, but there he was looking at her with the most tender look on his face and she melted into a puddle. His eyes deep amber pools filled with curiosity and untapped emotion. Those eyes pinned her in place, she felt a warmth spread across her cheeks and couldn’t help but smile. 

He rested his hand in one of the square spaces and could feel the warmth radiating from her fingers, telling him her hand was centimeters away from his. He fights the urge to reach out, to brush his fingers against hers, just a tiny bit of physical contact where there hasn’t been for the last decade of his life. He can’t. He won’t. It wouldn’t be fair. 

_ What’s the fuck is fair about any of this? _The thought made him angry, he felt that bubbling sensation in his gut nudging him towards an outburst. 

One look at her face stops the feeling in its tracks. When she smiles like that, he forgets he’s supposed to be miserable. One look and his entire resolve is demolished. 

“I knew this is where I would end up,” he sighs. “There’s no use being upset about something that can’t be changed.” 

She must have been at least vaguely aware of the where his hand was, because she grabbed it between both of hers in an instant. The space between bars barely big enough to fit three fists, but she held tight anyway. 

“Hey!” he yelled in protest but felt his face instantly alight with heat. He dared not pull away this time. 

“It’s not fair, Kyo!” her eyes glinted with determination. “I will find a way to fix this.” 

“Are you crazy? You can’t.” Her eyes welled up with tears. 

“I have to try.” She let go of his hand and he hated the way it made him feel empty. 

Before he could say another word, she was out the door, leaving a whirlwind of emotions in her wake. _ She really is something. _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Tohru ran down the path with only one thing on her mind. She could find Yuki’s home, she thought. She knew which general direction it was in and she would knock on every door if she had to. 

What was it about Kyo and Yuki that gave her this impulse to learn the secrets of their family? A yearning to solve this mystery that would not be satiated. The had done so much for her in such a short period of time, she wanted to rid them of their troubles so they both could live happy lives. 

Her feet carried her to a street that felt oddly familiar, had she taken this route in the past? Before she had the chance to really think on it, she was in front of a long set of stone steps. ‘** Sohma’ ** read the sign on the post. _ This is it. _ She took two steps at a time when she could, and when she reached the top she was completely out of breath and had to bend over to catch it. 

Before her legs could turn to jelly, she made her way to the front door and pounded as hard as the strength she had left would allow. 

“Why, hello there,” she looked up to see an older man with gray hair standing over her. 

“I’m sorry to disturb you, is Yuki home? I need to talk to him.” She saw him put a hand to his chin as if thoughtfully taking in the sight of her. Crouched over in front of his house, breathless and not taking the time for the proper manners of it all. 

“Miss Honda?” she heard a softer voice from further in the house. 

“Yuki!” she was suddenly extremely conscience of the state she was in. She tried to flatten out her clothes and smooth her hair while she caught her breath. 

“I’m Shigure Sohma, Yuki’s older cousin, nice to meet you,” he bowed his head. “Please tell us what has you in such a panic.” 

She thought Yuki looked annoyed; she felt bad putting him on the spot, but she was going to push for more answers. Answers she desperately needed. “I need to know more about Kyo, I need to find a way to help him, please.” 

“Miss Honda...,” he knew this was it; the make it or break it moment. _ She’s going to think I’m insane. _He saw her waiting patiently for him to go on. “Our family, is cursed.” 

“Cursed? I don’t understand.” _ Why would you, it’s crazy. _

“Are you familiar with the old folk tale of the zodiac?” Her mom had at least told her the story before, he knew that much. When she nodded her head he added, “and what do you know about the cat of the zodiac?” 

“My mom used to tell me the story of the zodiacs,” her face turned thoughtful, as if thinking of a distant memory. “God invited the animals to a banquet, but the rat was mischievous and told the cat the banquet was on the wrong day; and when all the animals showed up to the banquet the cat overslept and missed it, to forever be excluded.” 

“That’s right,” Yuki stepped in front of Shigure, closer to her. 

“But, what does that have to do with you and Kyo?” 

She saw swift movement from behind Yuki, and suddenly he was crashing into her. For a moment she felt herself falling back with his body against her, and then next she was flat on her back surrounded by a blue puff of smoke. Next to her were a pile of clothes and as she rubbed her head and looked closely, she saw a small gray rat. 

“Thanks, Shigure,” she swore the voice coming from the rat belonged to Yuki Sohma. 

“Oh my gosh! I’ve hit you so hard you turned into a rat! Are you ok?! What can I do?! Do you need a hospital?!” She picked him up and frantically ran around in circles. 

“No need to worry, he will change back soon,” Shigure patted her head and she lowered rat Yuki onto the floor. “You see, our family is possessed by the twelve zodiac spirits, a touch too hard by someone of the opposite sex and we turn into our spirit animals.” 

“Right...” Tohru stared at rat Yuki, stunned. It was easy to believe when she was seeing the proof right in front of her. “So, Yuki is the rat... and you are?” 

“The dog, and Kyo is the cat. If you think about it, he’s the most cursed of all.” Shigure was saying this all very nonchallant, which unnerved Tohru a bit. 

Another poof of blue smoke and Yuki was human again, completely naked. Tohru yelled apologies and turned away. 

“Ah, yes. Forgot to mention that bit.” Shigure almost laughed. 

“The cat is cursed to go mad after he reaches adulthood, the house you were employed to look after is where the cat is sent to live out the rest of his days after that.” Yuki pulled on the last of his clothes, breathing his anxiety away with a few deep breaths. 

“Kyo doesn’t seem mad...” Tohru looked towards Shigure who simply shrugged. 

“It was the will of our family head, Akito, to put Kyo in the cage; it was always her decision to keep the order within the family, plus there was the bet.” The last part he said so low she almost didn’t hear it. Yuki’s eyes screamed murder. 

He turned to leave, waving a hand in the air as he went. “A God can’t have their loyal followers leaving to better pastures now can they.” 

_Better pastures..._ Tohru thought long and hard about this. “Does she mistreat you?” 

“You can say that.” Yuki stared daggers into Shigures back as he left. 

“Why don’t you leave?” 

“It isn’t that easy, we are bound to her and we must obey,” Tohru felt that overwhelming sadness again. Was there nothing she could do? 

“Maybe if I talk to her-,” Tohru saw panic and rage fly across Yuki’s face. 

“No!” he composed himself. “No, that won’t be necessary, your friendship is enough.” His smile did not reach his eyes. 

“Shigure, said there was a bet?” Tohru could nearly feel the torment coming from him then. 

“I couldn’t say...” _ It’s my fault _. He couldn’t admit that to her and ruin any fond feelings she held for him. “You’ll have to speak to him.” He looked out towards the trees. She knew who he meant. 

_ Kyo... _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

The door to the cat room slid open with a loud bang. 

_ She’s back _. Kyo felt joy flutter in his chest as he jumped up. 

“Toh-,” his breath stopped in his lungs, he gasped to catch it. His vision went out of focus as a kimono clad figure waltzed through the opening. 

“Hello foul monster,” the petite woman’s expression was filled with malevolence. “How is my favorite abomination?” 

The paralyzing fear spread through his body like icy liquid metal. He clenched his fists as he took a hesitant step backwards. 

“What’s wrong? Not who you were expecting?” her laugh held no joy in it. Every syllable shooting pain through him. “Oh I see, you thought the girl came back for you, how pathetic.” 

Yes, pathetic. His nails broke skin, blood dripped down his thumb. 

“Don’t worry, I told you I would take care of her,” she slowly backed out of the doorway. “This time, I’ll make sure you never see her again.” Her laugh echoing with venom as the door slammed shut, he heard the lock click in place. 

_ No. _His hands flew up to grasp the wood, nails digging in until the beds of them bled. 

_ I’m such an idiot, I let her get to me. I let THEM get to me. _

He looked around in a frenzy, feeling more trapped than ever before. He took the food and water left for him and threw them against the wall of his cage, splattering both sides with fragments of rice and fruit, dripping wet. Flailing, he let his body crash into the wall again and again until he collapsed onto the floor. He cradled his arm against him, bruised and possibly broken. During the hysteria of it all, he didn’t notice the tears running down his face. 

_ What am I? A fucking child? _ **_ A stupid disgusting child_**, a voice inside his head answered. He could imagine the look the stupid rat would give him if he was here right now. There was nothing he wanted more than to pound him right in his bastard face. 

_ **This is what you deserve, putrid monster**. _ He yelled out a painful wail, pounding fists against his head to make them go away. 

_ " _shut up. Shut up! SHUT UP!” Hands over his ears, he cowered in the corner, whispering apologies to sins that were not his own. Recommitting himself to a debt that will never be repaid. 

His body heaved with each shaky sob. The bile in his stomach threatened to rise, he resisted the urge to vomit. There was a new hate for Akito that ignited inside him, a hate that could burn everything down, but with no outlet it simmered and died. There was nothing left for him to do, no room left inside him for burning hate, no room left for hope. Only Akito and her promise. All he could do was lay there and give into the wave of numbness that washed over him. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was by far the most difficult chapter for me to write, probably ever.  
I struggle with dialogue to begin with and I really didn't enjoy writing Akito. I do hope I did her justice.  
I hope you enjoy, thank you so much for reading. I am debating on whether or not to do a small epilogue, we will see.  
^.^

_“There are winds of destiny that blow when we least expect them.  
Sometimes they gust with the fury of a hurricane, sometimes they barely fan one’s cheek.  
But the winds cannot be denied, bringing as they often do a future that is impossible to ignore.” _  
― ** Nicholas Sparks, Message in a Bottle **

Her throat feels dry, so uncomfortably dry. The warm humidity of the late summer months made her feel sticky and suffocated. Her clothes and hair, slick with perspiration, clung to her skin. She could feel her heart throbbing inside her chest. There was a strange urgency within her that pushed her forward, not knowing what time it was, not knowing why she had to hurry; all she knew is that she needed to keep running forward until she reached the cage that held her friend. 

She would break down the door if she needed to, she would set the whole room on fire so no one would ever be locked inside again, if that’s what she needed to do. Tohru immediately felt ashamed at the rage that bubbled in her belly, she was not a violent person, but she felt very protective over her newfound family. 

As she reached the crest of the hill, she saw the outline of a figure in the shadows, leaning against a boulder. 

“Well if it isn’t my little saboteur,” a petite woman in a dark kimono stepped towards her. “I’ve been waiting quite a while for you.” 

Tohru blinked. “Um hello, I’m sorry...do I know you?” 

The stranger let out a breathy laugh. “Oh yes, we’ve met.” 

“My apologies,” Tohru bowed. “I am Tohru Honda, what may I call you?” 

“You don’t remember? Or are you trying to deceive me? I came to tell you your plan will not work.” 

_ Plan? _ Before Tohru had a chance to ask she continued. 

“You really are a horrid girl, trying to steal my family away from me, I can’t let you do that.” 

“I think you are mistaken, I don’t want to steal anyone away,” Tohru held up a hand and stepped towards the mysterious woman but stopped when she saw the scowl on her face. 

“Do not lie! Do not tell me you don’t remember our conversation all those years ago! You wish to break the Sohma’s free from my control? You cannot!” 

_ She must be...the head of the family. _Tohru felt a shadow of a memory, there was something she should know but couldn’t quite remember. The fog in her brain returned, blocking her from searching any further. When she pushed against the fog, her head began to ache. 

“A-Akito?” Tohru winced in pain. She saw a menacing smile cross the woman’s face. 

“I knew you were a no-good liar, how did you break Hatori’s hypnosis?” 

“I don’t understand,” the pain in her head grew, she held her hands against her temples to try and alleviate the pressure. 

“I warned you not to interfere once before, I will not let you turn them against me again! I will not be left behind again!” 

The pain in her head was growing and expanding, she tried to push through, but she was met with harsh resistance. It was like trying to push through a brick wall that you can’t seem to touch. 

She closed her eyes to try and remembering something, anything, but every visual was swallowed, erased, eradicated by this enveloping whiteness. It hurt her eyes; it was so white, like a giant eraser moving indiscriminately to eradicate what was once there into something that's not. 

“You’re not going to make me look like a fool! They need me, and without you...they always will.” 

Tohru opened her eyes to stare into Akitos’. “You don’t want to be alone.” 

“You worthless idiot! You don’t know me; you don’t know anything about me!” She laughed loudly then, it echoed through the trees void of any hint of happiness. 

Anger ripe with malice wrapped like vines around her words, but Tohru saw something else reflected in her eyes. An emotion that she herself was old friends with; fear. _ She’s afraid. _

“Mom said that in your eyes, is your humanity. The person you really are. There are times it gets lost, when you become someone the world wants you to. There are times it can seem dim, when you are clouded by shame and guilt.” Akito’s hand was swift across her face; Tohru’s head snapped to the side, but she didn’t flinch. 

_ My friends...Yuki, who’s eyes hold so much pain and so much restraint...Kyo, eyes that hold such kindness and sorrow and guilt all at once. _ _ Both hold so much pain, _ _ I want to erase th _ _ at _ _ pain as much as I can. _

“SHUT UP! You know NOTHING about me!” Tohru saw the tears brimming the corners of her eyes, she only responded in a soft understanding smile. 

“If you look into my eyes you will see a girl who makes mistakes! But will do anything to keep my friends safe. I see in your eyes, you are afraid of being pushed away,” Tohru offered a hand towards Akito. 

“No...” she took a few steps back. 

“Let me help you,” her hand was slapped away. Hard palms pushed against her chest and Tohru fell to the ground. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

There was a suggestion of movement from beyond the doors, inside the darkened room. It was formless and indistinct, like a piece of shadow shifting. There was a rattle of metal against metal and then the thud of something falling against the ground. A sliver of light slowly grew bigger as a door slid open. 

Kyo could not lift his head up to give Akito the satisfaction of seeing the defeat in his eyes. He had lost Tohru again before he really ever got her back; so there was no reason for the world to exist anymore. Why was it all still here? He willed the world to dissolve around him, just to melt away, yet he could still feel the rough wood underneath him and the soft cool breeze that refused to reflect the howling pain that tore through his body. 

“Get up, idiot.” Kyo whipped his head up in shock, which was followed by instant regret as a sharp pain radiated through his temples. He brought his uninjured hand up to shield his eyes as he adjusted to the light. “You are so pathetic.” 

_ Yuki _

“What the hell are you doing here?” Kyo’s voice came out horse. 

“Tohru, where is she? What did you say to her?” Yuki looked at the state of Kyo’s cage and grimaced. 

Everything that could be broken was, everything else was strewn about the room. He didn’t want his eyes to fall on the shriveled man he once knew as fierce, if not hot headed, competition; but he could not stop himself. His clothes were filthy and hung off him loosely, his hair disheveled, arm cradled against his chest protectively. He could guess at the tantrum that had ensued to create such a sight. At the mention of Tohru’s name Kyo’s eyes went blank and distant, there was little left of his previous self, save for the coloring of his hair. 

The day after he was locked up, the 12 zodiacs had silently mourned. As if there was a gladness in the remembering, that they took some comfort somehow. Each had stood by, watched his spirit killed, then acted as if it were a noble sacrifice for their sake, that by loving his memory the mourning became a wholesome and wonderful thing. They were cowards; none of them willing to stand up to a God. They all became distant with each other; guilt will do that, lock the truth in a cage and warp love into something strange and awful. 

Yuki felt sick, whether it was from the rotting fruit strewn across the walls and floors or a pressure of feelings inside of him, he could not say. He felt a sudden need to run out of that room and never look back. 

“Are you deaf and stupid?” his voice grew louder. “What did you say to Tohru? Where is she?” 

“Tohru...” it was almost a whisper, almost a whimper. “She’s not....Akito....Akito said...” 

“What?” Yuki’s eyes were widening. “What did Akito say? Was she here?” Kyo only nodded his head and Yuki could feel the panic welling up inside him. He was a child again, shaking, terrified. The constricted feeling grew, strangled by just the air around him. He gripped the key in his hand tighter and walked towards the slat door. 

With a quick turn of his wrist the lock clicked open, he discarded it to the floor and flung open the door, which cracked and splintered from so many years of disuse. 

“Wha-what are you doing?” Kyo backed away, shocked by the sudden absence of his long stoic barrier. 

“Tohru! She was on her way here! Somethings happened; she should have gotten here before me.” Yuki grabbed the collar of Kyos shirt and shook. 

“She...was coming here? You didn’t see her?” Kyo tried to rip Yuki’s hand away but it was no use, he was nowhere near as strong as him now. 

“I came from the main house, I figured you’d say something stupid and upset her, so I came to help.” He shook him harder, tried to pull him to his feet but Kyo’s legs fell out from beneath him. 

“Why would you help?” Kyo was coming to his senses. He started to take in the reality of what was happening, and he was angry. He took a swing at Yukis face and missed, tumbling sideways. “Why would you ever help ME?” 

“You’re obviously too stupid to help yourself!” Yuki kicked at Kyo on the floor, Kyo blocked his foot from landing, wincing as his injured arm throbbed. 

“I don’t need any of your goddamn help you rat bastard!” Kyo slowly got to his feet, propping his hands on his knees to ground himself. 

“Tohru could be in trouble and you’re still standing here,” Yuki turned around poised to walk away. “You really are low.” 

Kyo yelled out and lunged at Yuki with everything he had left. Yuki easily stepped out of the way, grabbed Kyo by the arm, and connected his fist to the side of his face. Kyo was flung back into the wall. 

He just sat there for a moment, panting. 

“Look at me,” Kyo’s face was hidden behind his bangs. “Even if I found her, what can I do like this?” 

“You idiot,” Yuki was standing over him menacingly, it sent a chill down Kyo’s spine. He picked him out and hit him again. “You don’t have to be a hero; you just have to go to her!” 

Kyo wiped a trail of blood from his lip. “Wouldn’t it be better if you found her? She’d be better off with someone like you. If I was like you...” 

It was Yuki who yelled this time. “Shut up! Shut the fuck up!” He kicked at Kyo again and again. “I’ll beat it into your head!” 

Kyo held up his arms to block, eyes wide, shocked at the amount of emotion coming from his lifelong rival. In all the times they had fought he had never seen him move with such fury. 

“You don’t remember?” Yuki was out of breath. “You made her laugh and smile more than anyone else! It’s not the same if I am there for her. She was only truly content when she was with you. Only you.” 

Kyo was stunned, he couldn’t move. “There’s no use in either of us to try and be like someone else. We can only be ourselves. You can’t change who you fall in love with, and it’s insulting to Tohru to assume her love is so easily transferred.” His blows became weaker as he spoke, his voice breaking between catching his breath. 

Kyo still did not respond. 

“Be strong! Make her happy! Go protect her happiness!” _ Like she’s done for all of us. _Yuki stepped out of the way and pointed towards the door. “GO!” 

Kyo shakily got back up to his feet, took a long look at Yuki, turned towards the door, and ran. 

Yuki breathed heavily as tears threatened to fall from his eyes, he straightened his clothes, composing himself. _ I should have done something a long time ago, but I was so scared. I was so...angry. Everyone always wanted him around. I was alone for so long, I wanted him to feel that pain, but allowing it to happen caused great pain to someone most important to me. _ _ I failed her then. This time, I’ll do better. _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Looking up at Akito standing over her caused a shift inside her mind. There was something breaking free from the fog. ** _ A cliff crumbled _ ** _ . _

“You tried to trick me last time! You tried to win me over, but you can’t!” Akito was in a full rage, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I thought that fall had killed you. When it didn’t, I sent Hatori to the hospital and forbade all the others from ever speaking to you again! It worked for a while, but you’re like a disease that I can’t be rid of! A disease that must be eradicated.” She pulled an object from her belt, a knife. 

Tohru closed her eyes once more, there was something slipping through the fog, short bursts of memories. Faces she couldn’t quite put names to, fireworks, sandcastles. The fog in her mind was becoming solid, hardening until it turned to glass; and then it shattered. 

** _ “Thanks to you I’m all alone!” _ **

Tohru felt an overwhelming wave of emotion crash into her and drag her under so fast her breath was knocked from her lungs. _ Yuki...Kyo...the zodiacs _. It all was coming back to her. 

“I...I remember,” Tohru looked up at the woman advancing towards her with a sharp object, but the danger did not completely register. Tohru’s eyes grew wide as the memory of their last encounter solidified in her mind. 

“Akito! Wait!” 

“No! Shut up! I won’t listen to this broken record,” she raised up her arm, posed to bring the knife down onto Tohru. 

“I’m sorry!” Tohru yelled out and Akito froze. “I never wanted to take anyone away from you. I understand how lonely it would be; surrounded one minute and discarded the next. Things change, and that’s ok!” A look of panic spread across Akito’s face, she backed away as Tohru slowly got up from the ground. 

“We must not live in the past, we should always move forward.” She thought of her mom and how she had to learn how to live without her the past decade. “Please, let’s start over.” 

Tohru held her hand out, Akito took a step back and pointed the knife in front of her. “Don’t come near me!” 

They both turned to the sound of rapid footsteps coming towards them. The sun was setting but Tohru could make out the mess of orange hair. 

“Kyo!” He almost looked relieved to hear his name, but when he saw the scene in front of him his face turned serious. 

“Stop! Leave Tohru out of this!” He moved quickly in between them. 

“How did-,” her face contorted in rage before she could complete her thought. 

“It’s over, Akito,” there was a confidence and determination in his voice that had been missing for years. “I’m done being like this, I’ve decided to live my life for me. Even if I have to live alone, away from everyone else, I won’t let you lock me up like a criminal any longer!” 

“You-you monster,” Akito gripped the knife so hard her knuckles turned white. “I’ll kill you!” She lunged towards him. He prepared himself for the impact but he felt a hard shove and tasted dirt. When he looked up he saw Tohru standing where he was a second earlier and Akito pressed up against her. 

“No!” Akito stepped back, the knife in her hand now covered in blood. Tohru’s hand went to her side where a red mark was slowly growing larger and she quickly fell to her knees. 

Kyo scrambled to her side as Yuki ran into view from behind him. As he took in the scene in front of him his hand flew to his mouth, eyes wide in horror. 

“What did you do?!?” Yuki yelled but there was no reaction on her face, she only looked down to the knife in her hand. “Akito!” 

She looked quickly up at him and dropped the knife. There was a time when her gaze would immediately cement him in place, it nearly did now. But as he looked at her now, she looked small and scared, nothing like the looming figure that could grip his soul and squeeze the resolve from him like water from a wet cloth. He almost pitied her. 

“Answer me!” he roared. His eyes searched hers but found nothing. 

She must have recognized the look in his eyes because she took one look down at her shaky hands and in the next moment she ran into the trees. He didn’t bother trying to run after her. 

“What happened?” he looked to Kyo for an answer. Kyo had his hands against her side to stop the bleeding. 

“She pushed me out of the way, I couldn’t do anything,” Kyo was frantic. “It was supposed to be me.” Yuki only nodded his head, he needed to get help. 

“My phone doesn’t get service up here, I have to go down to the entrance,” he took it out of his pocket. Yup, no bars. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.” They nodded at each other before he ran in the direction of the city. 

“Kyo...” his head snapped back to the woman in his arms, hyper aware of how he was touching her when he had thought just hours ago, he would never get to see her again. 

“I’m right here,” he felt tears brimming his eyes. “Tohru, I’m- I’m so sorry.” _ I love you. _

She put a hand on top of his. “I remember now, I remember you.” 

The dam broke and tears ran down his face. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, but she remembered him, and he was holding her. How many times had he imagined this moment? He wanted to take in the feel of her skin, the smell of her hair, but all he could smell was blood, all he could see was the pink fading from her cheeks; she was so pale. If only Yuki would get back with the help she needed, it would be ok. She had to be ok. 

“It’s ok,” she smiled. How was she smiling right now? “It’ll all be ok.” 

Her eyes shut and he felt instant panic. “Wait, Tohru!” _ I need you. _

She heard him yelling her name as she drifted into unconsciousness. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

The first thing she noticed was the faint beeping of machines. She couldn’t quite open her eyes, so she tried to focus on her breathing, matching it to the slow mechanical rhythm. The smell was next, a pungent odor of disinfectant and sweat. She wiggled her fingers to try and force the stiffness from them, her legs felt numb and heavy. 

_ Ok, focus. _ She took a deep breath and pried her eyes that were matted together with gunk stuck to her lashes. How long had she been asleep? The fluorescent light was a shock to her retinas and she quickly shut her eyes again. As she let them adjust, she took in the scenery around her. 

_ A hospital _ _ room _ _ ? _ She attempted to sit herself up but winced when a pain shot through her side. _ Oh, right. _ She thought back on the last thing she remembered before she had passed out. _ Kyo. _ She tried to sit up again and yelped in pain. 

The door to her room opened suddenly, like someone was standing right outside of it. She was greeted by a familiar face, his expression a mix of concern and then relief. 

“Yuki, hi, what are you doing here?” she tried to erase any sign of struggle from her face. 

“Miss Honda, I’m so glad you’re awake,” he came to stand next to her bed and hesitantly took a seat in the chair beside it. 

“How long was I asleep?” 

“Two days is all,” he smiled warmly. “You lost a bit of blood.” 

“Two days?!” She didn’t realize the wound was so severe. “Is my grandpa ok? What happened to Akito? Kyo?” 

“Slow down, everything is ok. We can’t have you opening your stitches,” Yuki put up his hands to keep her from moving around too much. “We’ve all been taking turns checking on your grandfather, he’s been by to see you once but I’m afraid it took a lot out of him and he’s been in bed resting since. Akito eventually made it to the main house and has locked herself away from everyone for now...I think she’s ashamed, Shigure has been there with her waiting on news once you’ve woken up” 

“And....Kyo?” her hands twisted around the blanket in her lap. She thought about what he said on the hillside. ** _ Even if I _ ** ** _ have to _ ** ** _ live alone _ ** ** _ ! _ **

** _ “ _ **Kyo has refused to leave your side, I told him his stench was probably keeping you from waking so he reluctantly left to shower and hopefully eat some real food, but I doubt it,” Yuki breathed an annoyed sigh but Tohru could see how much more at peace he was. He looked happy. “I’m sure he will be back here any minute.” 

“Oh...that’s good,” she smiled in turn. “I’m glad things are getting back to normal.” When she saw the slight puzzlement on Yuki’s face she elaborated. “Right, I guess you haven’t heard. When Akito...well...you know...something happened, and I started to remember.” 

“Remember what?” there was that look again. An expression that to anyone else would seem cool and collected but Tohru knew he was locking up his emotions, keeping them tightly hidden. 

“Everything.” 

She saw his shoulders slump, his eyes welled up with tears and he quickly looked down at his lap, fists clenched. 

“I am...,” she waited for him to continue, she hadn’t had a lot of time to think about everything, but she could guess he carried quite a bit of blame with him. “I have so many regrets. I’m so sorry I failed you, I will make it up to you. I promise.” 

Tohru reached out a hand and took one of his. 

“Ok.” 

He looked up at her suddenly and was met with a beaming smile. It was one word, but it was exactly what he needed to hear. The pressure inside of him released and he let himself enjoy the comfort she gave, even if he did not feel he deserved it. 

He had to go let the others know she was ok so they could all stop their frantic attempts to appear like they weren't worried. Each of them carrying their own shame and guilt over not being able to help years ago and not being of any use now. He was sure Momiji was still at Tohru’s grandfathers house, determined to make amends in any way he could, showering the old man with gifts and probably more conversation than he knows what to do with. Kagura was aggressively cleaning along with Kisa, and cooking an overabundance of food, she might have to start actually eating some of it soon before there’s no room in Tohru’s fridge. Hatori was in and out of the hospital checking on her condition, and the rest of them were either brooding, internalizing, or keeping a safe distance. None of them knew Tohru had gotten her memories back, and he was sure there would be another level of emotion and chaos as soon as they did; and of course, that errand landed on his lap. He tried to feign annoyance, but he couldn’t keep the smile from spreading across his face. 

As Yuki said his goodbye to Tohru with a promise that he would see her soon, he noticed a figure outside her door slouched on the floor. 

“What are you doing out here, idiot?” Yuki smirked more playfully than hostile. “She’s awake.” 

“I know...” Kyo didn’t look up. “I need a minute.” 

“Don’t take too long, the others will want their turn soon,” with that Yuki walked down the hallway, he would wait to start the phone call chain a little longer. 

Kyo stood up in front of her door, hand poised to take the handle and turn it, one simple motion between him and the girl he’s always loved, but he hesitated. His breath caught in his chest and he knew the fear was gaining on him. He breathed shallow to find a way to release the tension. 

_ What if she doesn’t want to see me? This is all because of me...what if she hates me? What if...she really doesn’t remember? _There were so many conflicting thoughts racing through his head. He didn’t fight for her before, he was taken away by force sure, but he left her. Just like she was left by her parents, would she hold resentment towards him? He had been beaten and worn down by the last decade, would she even still like him? What if everything was a fool’s wish...and she only pitied him? 

He shook his head. No, no matter what happened next, he had to go in there. He had to see her even if to thank her and say his goodbyes. He owed her that much. Hand gripping the door handle tightly, he pressed down and swung open the door. 

She was sitting up as if she was waiting for him, his resolve and all of his anxieties vanished in an instant as soon as he saw her bright sunlit face. Her hair was a little matted and stuck to her from the quick clean up the hospital did, her eyes were tired, her cheeks not quite as pink as they should be; but she was as beautiful to him as she ever was. 

Tohru felt butterflies burst in her chest. “Hello Kyo.” 

“Hey...” what the hell was he going to say? “Can I....?” he pointed next to her on the bed. 

“Of course!” she scooted over just a bit, he could tell it pained her to move and felt like such an idiot. 

“Don’t hurt yourself, I’ll be fine!” he felt a blush spread across his cheeks as he re-checked his temper. He sat down on the edge of the bed and looked down at his feet. _ Why can’t I look at her. _He forced himself to make eye contact and realized she was crying. 

“Hey! What's wrong?” he reached up a hand to wipe a tear off her cheek without even thinking, and before he could feel awkward about the exchange her arms were around him. “Wha-” 

She squeezed him tight and buried her face in his chest, ignoring the pain it caused her to move so quickly. Kyo stared at the wall behind her bed in shock, slowly reaching his hands up to the back of her head. He felt the slight roughness of her hair, he took in a deep breath. Beneath all of the hospital soap and disinfectant he could still make out the faint scent of her shampoo. 

“K-kyo,” hearing her sob his name made something in him snap, and he grabbed a tighter hold of her, making sure he was not near her injury to cause her more pain. He knit his fingers tightly but softly into her hair and angled his face into her shoulder. They both sat crying together, soaking in the affection that they have both been deprived of, never wanting to let go. They do though, after a few more moments, and look into each other's eyes. 

“Tohru...I’m so sorry for everything I put you through,” she started to protest but he held up a hand. “I didn't listen to you and you got hurt, I allowed your memories to be stolen from you...and I’m sorry.” 

He took her hands in his. 

“I promise, if you can forgive me, I won’t ever let you down again. I won’t ever hurt you again. If you can give me one more chance I-,” he swallowed the hard lump in his throat. “I will spend everyday making you happy. I don’t want to be without you for one more day because...” 

“I love you,” he looked up to her with as much determination on his face that he could muster. 

“Kyo...” Tohru took in his words and another smile spread across her face. “Don’t you know? I love you too...very much.” 

He kissed her then, light and gentle. The feeling was so strange, it stretched throughout his whole body. It was overwhelming yet made him feel so complete. It had no bounds nor length nor depth; it was absolute. Someone had given him peace. He felt so light, light he was on top of the world; his heart constricting and yet it felt like no oxygen was left in his lungs. 

“Kyo?” Tohru giggled against his lips. 

“Yeah?” he sat back and gave her full attention. 

“You’re you!” he couldn’t help but scoff a laugh. 

“Of course I’m me what are you-,” but then he realized. He was him. Human him. They had embraced, she held him so tightly, and he didn’t turn into a cat. It had been so long since he had any physical contact that he hadn’t thought about it before. Now that he had, he felt a weight rise off him, like a string that had been tightly pulling him in one direction had been snipped, and he could move around freely in his body like he never could before. His whole life he had walked through mud, and now he was wadding through clear water. Though, maybe he would still avoid actual water. 

“Tohru, you’re right!” he jumped up with a new sense of joy, looked down at the beads around his wrist, took them off, and threw them across the room. 

Across the city, each zodiac stopped what they were doing and paused at the same time, a single tear being shed for the ties they had always known were gone at last. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Yuki had just finished the last of the phone calls when he got the feeling, he saw the past, and felt for once that he could look towards the future. For once, he let himself daydream as he slowed his pace in front of a store that had a very inviting smell wafting out of it. He could go inside; he could do whatever he wanted now. He was so lost in thought he didn’t see the distracted figure in front of him heading in his direction. There was a hard knock against him and he fell back onto the sidewalk. 

“I’m so sorry I didn’t see you,” he looked up to see a young woman about his age, she had spilled a package of what looked like post cards all around here. The wind was starting to blow them further away. “Here let me-.” 

“Stop! I don’t need any of your help! Just go away!” The woman quickly picked up her cards, pushed him aside, and ran in the direction he had come from. 

He rubbed the back of his head quizzically. _ Odd. _ He started to walk on but felt something hard under his foot, he moved it and picked up a small plastic rectangle. 

_ She dropped her ID. _ _ Kuragi _ _ Machi? _

He made a mental note of the address, not too far away. Then he pocketed it, planning on making a trip to return it to her in person later that day. First, he was going to enjoy whatever food item was causing that delicious aroma. 


End file.
